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 OUR
EXCLUSIVE PERFUME
Just one spray, and true modesty
is yours. . . .
$39.95 for 3.4 fl. oz. |
 THE
COVERALL TOWEL
Having trouble surviving the
coed bathrooms? Embarrassed
to step out of the shower? With
our full-body towel, no one
will even know who you are.
Fellow students will ask, “who
IS that mysterious ghost?”
$19.99. Available in white or
navy, and please, no more requests
for red. |
 TIRED
OF BEING CALLED SEXUALLY REPRESSED?
Put them on the defensive
for a change.
This winning T-shirt
is only $9.95.
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 $6.95.
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WEARY
OF CAT-CALLS ON THE STREET?
This toy pink, eye-catching
water gun comes with blue ink
to spray at boors who make crude
remarks as you pass. Don’t
let negative feelings fester;
stop harassment on the spot
with just one squirt. 50 ft.
range.
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 OUR
UNIQUE EARLY-WARNING SYSTEM
FOR INSULT-DETECTION
Allows
you to assess with 98.93% accuracy
whether someone is about to
call you a prude or accuse you
of having hang-ups. How it works:
release birds around you at
regular intervals. Birds detect
the intelligence, insecurities,
and poor choices of those around
you, or those coming near you,
and immediately transmit this
information to a microchip attached
to your purse. Within seconds,
a computer calculates the likelihood
of an impending personal attack,
and a unique alarm is sounded.
Allows you to remove yourself
from a scene in a ladylike manner,
before it even begins!
$1,995 plus tax.
Sorry, birds not included.
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 DECORUM
GUM
Keep
the mouth occupied so you can't
say anything indecent.
$1.99 for pack of 7 sticks.
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 MIRROR
SPRAY
With a push of a nozzle,
turns your body into a giant
mirror. If people insult you,
press it, and lo! They only
insult themselves.
$13.25/Buy
one, get one free.
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GOT
SHAME?
 You've
heard people complain that
"no one has any shame
anymore." Well, now you
can do something about it.
With the chemicals in our
special blushing kit, you
will blush at appropriate
times even if you've lost
the natural impulse to do
so.
$62.99
for one compact, 14K gold
trim.
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 SEE-THROUGH
TUMMY WARMER
As you
know, strangers must be able
to see your navel at all times.
Why sacrifice fashion just
because it's cold? With our
Translucent Tummy Warmer,
you can keep snug and cozy
while wearing midriff-baring
clothing year round. Even
when the sun goes down.
$44.99
includes 1 translucent plastic
tube and 10 battery-operated
heater inserts.
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