OUR EXCLUSIVE PERFUME

Just one spray, and true modesty is yours. . . .

$39.95 for 3.4 fl. oz.



THE COVERALL TOWEL

Having trouble surviving the coed bathrooms? Embarrassed to step out of the shower? With our full-body towel, no one will even know who you are. Fellow students will ask, “who IS that mysterious ghost?”

$19.99. Available in white or navy, and please, no more requests for red.



TIRED OF BEING CALLED SEXUALLY REPRESSED?

Put them on the defensive for a change.

This winning T-shirt is only $9.95.




$6.95.

WEARY OF CAT-CALLS ON THE STREET?

This toy pink, eye-catching water gun comes with blue ink to spray at boors who make crude remarks as you pass. Don’t let negative feelings fester; stop harassment on the spot with just one squirt. 50 ft. range.
 



OUR UNIQUE EARLY-WARNING SYSTEM FOR INSULT-DETECTION

Allows you to assess with 98.93% accuracy whether someone is about to call you a prude or accuse you of having hang-ups. How it works: release birds around you at regular intervals. Birds detect the intelligence, insecurities, and poor choices of those around you, or those coming near you, and immediately transmit this information to a microchip attached to your purse. Within seconds, a computer calculates the likelihood of an impending personal attack, and a unique alarm is sounded. Allows you to remove yourself from a scene in a ladylike manner, before it even begins!

$1,995 plus tax. Sorry, birds not included.



DECORUM GUM

Keep the mouth occupied so you can't say anything indecent.

$1.99 for pack of 7 sticks.



MIRROR SPRAY

With a push of a nozzle, turns your body into a giant mirror. If people insult you, press it, and lo! They only insult themselves.

$13.25/Buy one, get one free.




GOT SHAME?

You've heard people complain that "no one has any shame anymore." Well, now you can do something about it. With the chemicals in our special blushing kit, you will blush at appropriate times even if you've lost the natural impulse to do so.

$62.99 for one compact, 14K gold trim.




SEE-THROUGH TUMMY WARMER

As you know, strangers must be able to see your navel at all times. Why sacrifice fashion just because it's cold? With our Translucent Tummy Warmer, you can keep snug and cozy while wearing midriff-baring clothing year round. Even when the sun goes down.

$44.99 includes 1 translucent plastic tube and 10 battery-operated heater inserts.

 

 




 
     
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