June 27th, 2005 | This is from the
April 2005 issue of
boyfriend and I are in love, but
he doesn't want to marry until
he's 30 (he's 26). Should I move
's Irma Kurtz:
Stick with him!
"It's only natural for you
to want a long-term commitment—and
to question why he set this arbitrary
date—but why would you consider
moving on from someone you love
enough to want to marry? If you
really love him deeply, you would
adore being with him now and would
gamble on his staying true to
you into his thirties and beyond.
I would give it more time and
not make a definite move in any
direction until you are absolutely
sure not of his feelings about
commitment, but of your own."
don't know, I think this woman is
right to be troubled about sharing
her body and soul with a man who
says maybe, just maybe, he'll think
about marrying her in FOUR YEARS!
Shalit replies: I completely
agree with you. And yet,
(as usual) questions the woman's
commitment and motivations, and
advises that actually, she has the
problem? I don't think so. I think
her instincts are first-rate. Any
man who really loves a woman is
concerned about losing her, and
should have a real plan to wed.
I think the only legit excuse for
a 4-year wait is if you're 18 and
waiting to finish college.
Yeah, otherwise, I wouldn't keep
your hopes up. Someone who can wait
4 years can easily wait 40 more.
That would make this boyfriend
66 and not such a catch anymore.