November 15, 2005 | And you thought we in the U.S. had problems, and that English women are so sophisticated? Ladies, the November British ELLE advises women in their early thirties (say, 31) of all the new cosmetic procedures they should be taking advantage of. You can have a "Threadlift" by having your skin sutured via a long needle, then pulled tight; or a "Thermage," where you get the privilege of being zapped with radio-frequency waves; or better yet, just inject yourself with hyaluronic acid gel.

In case you want to get a headstart on things like "Sarah, 28, a marketing executive," you can have a biopsy of your ear taken. Then you pay each year to store your own ear-cells for future plastic surgery-- which should be done when you get older (like, you know, in your early 30s?)

As Sarah happily explains, "Instead of worrying about getting a new wrinkle, I have a little insurance system in place and it's psychologically reassuring."

We wish we could share Sarah's joy, but something tells us that her brand of "psychological reassurance" isn't going to last very long.