November 1, 2006

Hi Wendy
thanks for trying to educate people , lack of knowledge or misunderstanding seems to mess up so much potential for functionality in relationships.
My Question.
I meet alot of girls who complain that men wont commit in relationships or won't completely open themselves up emotionally to a woman. Do you think this may be due to fear ?

The numbers are something like 50% of marriages end in divorce , and of those divorces , maybe 80 %  of them end up with the woman walking away with more money than she came into the relationship with, and the guys seem to get screwed.

a lot of my friends have this unrealistic' fear that there are women out there who treat marriage as an income stream. If that was so, what does the future hold for marriage and the family ? what can we do to get society back to a place where integrity sincerity and love are a feature.
thank you.

Yes. I am male , and am curious if you respond to my letter as if it were "an attack on women" , or an honest objective viewpoint .

Best wishes


Hi Mark,

No I don't view your letter as an attack on women, but it may be an attack on yourself.   

That's because cynicism tends to breed cynicism.  If you are holding yourself back from giving 100% in a relationship out of fear, that's actually the perfect way to attract someone who is similarly insecure and withholding--thus leading to divorce and the very situation you fear.

But you are correct to sense that your friends' fear is "unrealistic."  In fact fewer women than ever are looking to marriage as an "income stream."   As increasing numbers of women become financially independent, they search for a real "soul mate" to a greater degree than in times past.

Whether they find it, as you allude to, depends so much on attitude.  But just don't forget that your attitude matters just as much as hers!

For what it's worth I would say, take the first step, and be the one to hope for a lasting love.  Trust me, you'll meet plenty of women who will appreciate that.

Best of luck,


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