September 4, 2006
Q: Dear Wendy,
I sure hope you get this and I sure hope you have a comment or two. I am a male in my mid 30's and I am single. I am writing to you to let you know what a man with morals and values thinks about modesty and the absence of it in our culture.
I am 35 and good looking, I take really good care of myself and I am funny and interesting, so I don't have any problems meeting women and going out with them. The problem is much worse than that. I remember when I was growing up in the south, women had a great deal of modesty and to be honest it was really nice. I enjoyed the challenge of that and I also felt better about the woman who made me wait for sex. It made me be on my best behavior back then and when I won the girl with my good behavior it was really nice.
Nowadays there is no modesty and to be honest, since my last girlfriend(who was modest herself) parted ways 3 yrs ago, I have not been able to find a modest woman among the masses since then. When I met her I was a player in my late 20's, enjoying a modest-free lifestyle, but she was modest which made me change in order to win her affection. I changed because she saw through my player ways back then and it intrigued me that she was not easy. Sort of a throwback to my life back in the south when i was in my teens. After I won her affection, I parted company with my player ways I enjoyed before we linked up and had a relationship.
Now I only look for a modest woman, but they are nowhere to be found and it only seems to be getting worse. I just moved to Los Angeles and its really bad there. I have gone out on 3 dates since moving here. 2 were good and we really hit it off, but on the second date one girl asked me if we were going to have sex or not. I took her to her home as I lost all attraction for her and never called her again. The other date, was the same thing. So for the past 2 yrs I have been bored with all the women whom I have met. It's all the same, they seem more sex crazed than the men I know and it's rather boorish. I miss the mysteriousness and the wonder. I try to explain to women that I really want to get to know them first before anything else (talk about gender reversal huh?) and they act like it's some game I am playing or else they don't want to do it at all. I hate that and to be honest it makes me not attracted to them.
I hate that sex is somehow used as a form of validation these days. I long for my teenage years back in the south where you had to date a girl for at least a month and treat her with respect before she got in bed with you. I miss the challenge, the mystique, and everything else that makes a woman a real woman. Now, it seems like it's all about sex. Don't get me wrong, I like sex(I am a man after all!) But knowing that there is a challenge present does two things for me: it makes me feel like the person I am pursuing is worthwhile and has self respect, and it makes me feel like a man should feel, like he has enough skill and compassion and gentleness to actually attract her. So for any of you ladies out there who are complaining about no real men around with any values or morals, let me tell you that there are, it's just that we are not taken seriously these days because we have values and morals that are above the rest. I won't settle for anything less and I won't date or waste time with a girl who is not modest. So please hang in there and spread the word to your other girlfriends about the benefits of being modest!
--A Good Guy's Point of View
Dear Good Guy,
Thank you for writing-- your letter really says it all. To be honest, I never thought about many of the points you make so I really appreciate you sharing your insights. I'm sure other women will as well.
In terms of your question, I've found that the higher someone's standards, the more likely it is that they'll need a third-party fix up.
But you've come to the right place. Have we got modest gals a-plenty here! Please send me more particulars and I will do my best to set you up.